Article published in Generations section of The American Journal February 2012 edition. Title was changed to Advice From the Heart for publication.
Nourishing the Hungry Heart
Now that my son is a grown man, I am often at a loss for advice he requests of me. I am usually taken off guard when he asks my opinion about his concerns. Truthfully, I believe this is a characteristic of someone maturing enough to ask their elders for insight into life’s journey. I recall when he had all the answers.
When I run out of questions for clarification and I don’t have anything that is jumping out at me as an insight, I fall back on my favorite bit of advice, “What is your heart telling you?” In taking a look at the actual process of following your heart, it is more complicated than something like feeling like it is time to brush your teeth.
I co-authored a monograph called Cordising: A New Understanding of Caring in 1986 with M. Lucille Kinlein. The term was added to the medical dictionary as: “cordising [kor´dis-ing] (L. cordis of the heart) a concept used in the esca philosophy of kinlein: caring from the heart, integrating truth, justice, and charity into one's actions.”
What the idea boils down to is that in our culture if someone needs help and asks for it, they are in a lower position. The person who is giving the help is usually considered to be in a higher position. The initiator of cordising could either ask for or offer help. The responder can either accept or decline the initiation. It is an equal relationship giving both the opportunity to take action from the heart.
Years ago, I heard Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (author: Death and Dying) say, “There’s a little Hitler in all of us.” When I was at a very impressionable age, I read Anne Frank and identified with this young writer. I think that was when I started wondering how Hitler could make such clearly bad decisions. It seems a little self-limiting to learn from just my mistakes, so this helps me learn from someone else’s error in judgement. I apply what I call my Hitler test.
In relation to telling my son to follow his heart I think about what Hitler’s mother might have said to him if he came to her when he was struggling with what direction to go with his life. As a young man Hitler had aspirations of being an artist. The doors did not fling open to his passion. I imagine a scene something like this:
Hitler: So Mom, I don’t think being an artist is in the cards for me.
Hitler’s Mom: I agree and I am getting pretty tired of making excuses at my hearts card game about my son the starving artist. You could consider doing something a little more practical.
Hitler: Like what?
Hitler’s Mom: Well, the country is such a mess. Why don’t you go into politics and get things more organized and you have such a gift for gab. And well, it would make me so proud to brag about my son, the fuehrer!
Okay, so my imagination gets carried away but the lesson to be learned here is to be careful about what advice you give…and take. How do you figure out what your heart is saying? I mean Jonah had planned to follow his heart when God sent a whale to change his path. And building an arc was probably not on Noah’s bucket list when God initiated cordising by offering him the opportunity to do the two-by-two boat project. Then there is the spiritual path toward communicating with your heart with the bumper sticker challenge of WWJD (What would Jesus do?) or even the less religious question of What Would Scooby Doo? Then there is the other question on the tailgate epistles of “What if the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?”
Since recorded time began, we as a species, have questioned our purpose. Following our hearts is a huge part of that purpose. What if the cave person got the idea of a wheel and made it round on three sides and was befuddled about what to do with the fourth side? Actually that would have been the first flat tire but creativity, inspiration, or simply repetitiveness led to perhaps the most used invention ever. Spiritual and religious teachers have encouraged practitioners to take quiet time and pray or meditate to communicate with that spirit within, embodied in our hearts. Prayer is said to be asking and meditation is said to be listening for the answer.
I have sought out people in my life who follow their hearts and I have found this to be true with my Zumba teacher. With her share of hardship, Susan Sinnett, told me that her work with teaching dance is the outcome of her heeding the call of her heart. She recalls as a young child, listening to the radio, dancing in front of the square glued-on mirrored wall in her home, to bring joy into that challenging time of life.
“I did not take any dance classes when I was growing up. I took the advice from my aunt who told me to simply move my feet to the beat. We had only a radio so I danced to whatever came on. I hear the music and it tells me what to do; I don’t have to think about it.” Susan recounts.
Susan went through turbulent teenage years. After having her daughter, she received more advice from a counselor who simply asked her what brought her joy. Without hesitation she said it was dancing. While a working mother she made room in her busy schedule to allow for dance classes over the next fifteen years.
“Sometimes when you get advice, you are not ready for it because you don’t think you deserve it. It does not have to be all or nothing.” Susan explained.
Susan took the leap of faith to open Studio Fit. Her business has outgrown the space she is in and she is moving to a larger space soon. Susan embraces all of her students. With her heart open, she says she feels a oneness with her classes.
So this is how I follow my heart with my son. I have quiet times with him whenever possible. He actually joins me in my Zumba classes, and I am very careful about what advice I give him. Above all, I tell anyone who will listen, I am very proud of my son, the starving artist!
Nourishing the Hungry Heart
Now that my son is a grown man, I am often at a loss for advice he requests of me. I am usually taken off guard when he asks my opinion about his concerns. Truthfully, I believe this is a characteristic of someone maturing enough to ask their elders for insight into life’s journey. I recall when he had all the answers.
When I run out of questions for clarification and I don’t have anything that is jumping out at me as an insight, I fall back on my favorite bit of advice, “What is your heart telling you?” In taking a look at the actual process of following your heart, it is more complicated than something like feeling like it is time to brush your teeth.
I co-authored a monograph called Cordising: A New Understanding of Caring in 1986 with M. Lucille Kinlein. The term was added to the medical dictionary as: “cordising [kor´dis-ing] (L. cordis of the heart) a concept used in the esca philosophy of kinlein: caring from the heart, integrating truth, justice, and charity into one's actions.”
What the idea boils down to is that in our culture if someone needs help and asks for it, they are in a lower position. The person who is giving the help is usually considered to be in a higher position. The initiator of cordising could either ask for or offer help. The responder can either accept or decline the initiation. It is an equal relationship giving both the opportunity to take action from the heart.
Years ago, I heard Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (author: Death and Dying) say, “There’s a little Hitler in all of us.” When I was at a very impressionable age, I read Anne Frank and identified with this young writer. I think that was when I started wondering how Hitler could make such clearly bad decisions. It seems a little self-limiting to learn from just my mistakes, so this helps me learn from someone else’s error in judgement. I apply what I call my Hitler test.
In relation to telling my son to follow his heart I think about what Hitler’s mother might have said to him if he came to her when he was struggling with what direction to go with his life. As a young man Hitler had aspirations of being an artist. The doors did not fling open to his passion. I imagine a scene something like this:
Hitler: So Mom, I don’t think being an artist is in the cards for me.
Hitler’s Mom: I agree and I am getting pretty tired of making excuses at my hearts card game about my son the starving artist. You could consider doing something a little more practical.
Hitler: Like what?
Hitler’s Mom: Well, the country is such a mess. Why don’t you go into politics and get things more organized and you have such a gift for gab. And well, it would make me so proud to brag about my son, the fuehrer!
Okay, so my imagination gets carried away but the lesson to be learned here is to be careful about what advice you give…and take. How do you figure out what your heart is saying? I mean Jonah had planned to follow his heart when God sent a whale to change his path. And building an arc was probably not on Noah’s bucket list when God initiated cordising by offering him the opportunity to do the two-by-two boat project. Then there is the spiritual path toward communicating with your heart with the bumper sticker challenge of WWJD (What would Jesus do?) or even the less religious question of What Would Scooby Doo? Then there is the other question on the tailgate epistles of “What if the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?”
Since recorded time began, we as a species, have questioned our purpose. Following our hearts is a huge part of that purpose. What if the cave person got the idea of a wheel and made it round on three sides and was befuddled about what to do with the fourth side? Actually that would have been the first flat tire but creativity, inspiration, or simply repetitiveness led to perhaps the most used invention ever. Spiritual and religious teachers have encouraged practitioners to take quiet time and pray or meditate to communicate with that spirit within, embodied in our hearts. Prayer is said to be asking and meditation is said to be listening for the answer.
I have sought out people in my life who follow their hearts and I have found this to be true with my Zumba teacher. With her share of hardship, Susan Sinnett, told me that her work with teaching dance is the outcome of her heeding the call of her heart. She recalls as a young child, listening to the radio, dancing in front of the square glued-on mirrored wall in her home, to bring joy into that challenging time of life.
“I did not take any dance classes when I was growing up. I took the advice from my aunt who told me to simply move my feet to the beat. We had only a radio so I danced to whatever came on. I hear the music and it tells me what to do; I don’t have to think about it.” Susan recounts.
Susan went through turbulent teenage years. After having her daughter, she received more advice from a counselor who simply asked her what brought her joy. Without hesitation she said it was dancing. While a working mother she made room in her busy schedule to allow for dance classes over the next fifteen years.
“Sometimes when you get advice, you are not ready for it because you don’t think you deserve it. It does not have to be all or nothing.” Susan explained.
Susan took the leap of faith to open Studio Fit. Her business has outgrown the space she is in and she is moving to a larger space soon. Susan embraces all of her students. With her heart open, she says she feels a oneness with her classes.
So this is how I follow my heart with my son. I have quiet times with him whenever possible. He actually joins me in my Zumba classes, and I am very careful about what advice I give him. Above all, I tell anyone who will listen, I am very proud of my son, the starving artist!